Well since I am still a kid, (20 in a few weeks) I still dream of a lot I would love to do. Traveling to every country in the world by the time I am 30 is something on my checklist. My grandparents on my mother’s side always traveled and seeing that growing up always made me want to do, well what they did. I couldn’t even tell you what I wanted to grow up to do, frankly I am still growing up and as of right now what I want to do today might not even be what I want to do tomorrow. But for right now and for the last five or so months I have really wanted to be a sex therapist. I’m about finished with my AA and plan on going to FSU to do a dual program for my BA/MS so I can at least open a practice, and see if I want to get my doctorate.
My story, well my story is still being written.
I have gone through a lot, at least what I think is a lot. I had severe drug problems when I was in high school and hid it well from the people I surrounded myself with. I have overdosed twice, also I have been raped twice and am very open talking about my traumas. I have severe depression and pretty bad anxiety but somehow, I still feel like that isn’t even enough to make me any different than the next girl ya know?
I was in a shitty car accident going into my senior year of high school and I almost died. I cannot even express the gratitude I have for whatever the reason was or is to have kept me alive but it made me realize that I have so much more that I must do. I want to educate myself and educate others, just little things to me, that I just feel are so important. I guess I just want to give back however I can, for whatever reason I am still here and there is definitely a reason why I just don’t know for what yet.
I realize that I am going to lose some of these battles I face and honestly that is totally fine. I have really accepted how much I want to focus on not only bettering myself but just to have a better understanding and love towards well me. I guess the most I have learned at 19 years old is people fucking suck but there are still some super awesome people out there it just takes going through the shitty ones to get to the good ones.
If I could tell my younger self anything, aghh well definitely do not do drugs. They suck and they really are not worth it. Do not think sleeping with someone is going to make you feel loved or better about yourself. DO NOT trust everyone you meet. I know you expect people to have the same good intentions you do but they do not. Oh! Don’t fuck with your eyebrows cause you will for sure regret it. Eat whatever your little heart desires cause you won’t be able to get super baked and go to McDonalds at 3 in the morning forever.
My insecurities? As of right now, I think the same shit everyone my age is going through. Instagram fucks with your self-esteem so much, so you are constantly wondering how you are coming off to people, does my ass look too small or is my stomach hanging out? Stupid shit is what I worry about and frankly my body is the last thing I want to give a shit about. But I think once I really like LOVE myself is when I’ll stop being so critical.